We often
view our emotions as something to endure or avoid if they are negative, or
something to enjoy if they are positive.
We think that our emotions are created by events or circumstances in our
external world. This leaves us often
feeling powerless because we cannot effectively control the world and the
people around us. This is a very
stressful form of existence. However, our belief that our emotions are created
by our surrounding circumstances is untrue.
It is an illusion. All of our emotions are created
internally by our thoughts. It is not our circumstances that create
our emotional state from moment to moment; it is our perception and judgement about
our circumstances that cause us either pain or pleasure. Let me give you an example. Imagine a dog sitting in the middle of the
road. One person walks past the dog and
thinks ‘awwww how cute!’. This person
feels good because their thought about the dog is one of love and
appreciation. Someone else may walk past
the same dog and think ‘Oh crikey, that dog isn’t on a lead. I hope it doesn’t come anywhere near
me’. Now this person has had a fearful
thought so their experience of looking at the same dog has created the negative
emotion of fear. The dog is exactly the
same, but the experiences of the two people in this example are polar
opposites. This is because it is not the
dog (external circumstances) causing the emotions in question, it is the perception and judgement of the individual that is causing the emotional reaction. This is
good news because this means we are actually in full control of our emotional
state at any given moment. I know you
will probably find this confusing because we have all been led to believe that
we are annoyed because our partner doesn’t give us enough attention. Or we feel guilty because we ate that big
cream cake earlier. These events in
themselves do not create emotions within us.
Our perception of these
events causes the emotions. This is
important because when we are in a negative emotional state, we are more likely
to react in a negative way, thereby causing further stress. Take the example of thinking your partner is
not giving you enough attention. This
could lead you to think that your
partner does not care for you as much as they used to. This could then lead you to feel fear (what will I do if they leave
me?). It could lead you to feel isolated (I feel all alone because
they are not paying attention to me).
These negative feelings (caused by negative thoughts) then lead you to
take negative action. You may snap at
your partner and accuse them of neglecting you.
You may decide to try and get attention from someone else outside of the
relationship. Any number of negative
reactions is possible. Now look at another
way of dealing with the same situation.
You observe that your partner has not been very attentive to you
recently. You accept what is without
judgement. You observe your own negative thoughts, learn from them and then, let
them go. You observe the negative energy
running through your body and you let go again.
You smile because this event has taught you a bit more about yourself
and your insecurities. Once you can
observe your own ego at work, and observe your own emotional response, you tend
not to take things so personally. You
can then think about how best to deal with your partners’ inattentiveness. From this standpoint, you will feel much more
empowered and are much more likely to take authentic action rather than melting
down into an emotional puddle. From this
position of strength you may decide to approach your partner and ask them if
everything is ok. You may say that you
have noticed they are a bit unavailable at the moment and you were wondering if
there was anything you could do to help.
Was there anything bothering them?
Your partner may then explain that they have been very busy at work
recently and apologise to you. The worst
case scenario may happen where your partner tells you that they are no longer
happy in the relationship. You may then
go on to discuss why your partner is not happy and you may be able to resolve
the issue or you may not. All I am
trying to demonstrate here is that when you act from emotional clarity you are
far more likely to resolve any situation you face without causing further
negative ripples. According
to Gary Zukav in his book The Heart of the Soul, negative emotions are
experienced when energy is leaving the body in fear and doubt and positive
emotions are experienced when energy is leaving the body in love and
trust. So we could view our emotions as
signposts. We could view our emotions as
important information telling us about the quality of our thoughts at any given
moment. When we can observe ourselves in this way, it really does take the edge
off the pain of our negative emotions and it empowers us to at least reach for
a more positive emotional state. |
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